They're Doing This For Votes? I Just Thought They Were Treasonists!

No amnesty for sellout politicians

Comedian George Carlin once said, "The word 'bipartisan' means that a larger than usual deception is being carried out." Those words were never truer than they are today.

The Senate took a very short break from putting their hands in our wallets, the pork barrel and on various D.C. waitresses to "reach across party lines" once again, an act that usually pokes the rest of us in the eyes. Every time there's a compromise between two sides, both with bad ideas in the first place, we should get a little jumpy.

Such is the case with the proposal supported by key senators and President Bush that would essentially grant amnesty to millions who are in the country illegally, all while "securing our borders." Hey, just in time.

To add insult to injury, the Bush administration removed a provision requiring back taxes from 12 million "undocumented workers." How they know exactly how many there are if they're "undocumented" is proof-positive of either monumental genius, or colossal guesstimation.

What a slap in the face to those immigrants who were silly enough to come to the United States legally. I guess all that paperwork was for nothing. Not only that, but their taxes are still due.

The message is clear: Welcome to America – now break the law or you're screwed.

Just remember, when some of us hear "12 million illegals," politicians hear "12 million potential voters." Politicians might tend to view these people as "backlash offsets," hence the tax breaks and new toaster for each account every illegal opens at Inside-the-Beltway Bank & Mistrust.

When you get angry at the polls, somebody in Washington can find two people, whether they're citizens or not, to beat back your vote – and give 'em some of your stuff ta boot.

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Here's what was said about the proposal:

Bush: "This is a bill where people who live here in our country will be treated without amnesty but without animosity."

Sometimes George W. Bush makes me wince for having defended him on other issues. He can be so tough and unwavering on terrorism in one breath, and in the next he acts like a hotel doorman who decided it would make his job a lot easier if he removed all the doors.

Bush pirouettes around the word "amnesty" so much that he should get an invitation to perform on "Dancing with the Stars." The exchanges usually go something like this:

Reporter: "Mr. President, do you support amnesty for those already in the country illegally?"

President Bush: "Of course not. I support a 'federally assisted undocumented migrant worker relocation program with tax relief.'"

Ted Kennedy: "The best possible chance we will have in years to secure our borders and bring millions of people out of the shadows and into the sunshine of America."

Teddy wants to bring people out of the shadows and into the sunlight, but at least this time it's without the assistance of the Chappaquiddick Wrecker Service. Guess why Ted can say this with such ease? Because they're not going to be allowed to sunbathe anywhere near Hyannis Port or Martha's Vineyard.

John McCain: "The first step."

I don't want to know what the second step is. McCain is perhaps the biggest disappointment of the bunch. This is a man who has fought and suffered for his country, and now seems content to give it away.

John Kyl: "It represents the best opportunity that we have in a bipartisan way to do something about this problem."

Kyl's words represent what's wrong with a Congress whose only consistency is the amazing ability to confuse motion with action. Sometimes doing nothing is far more advisable than doing "something." If you were drowning, and Congress threw you a cinder block, they would gladly return to the chamber with smiles on their devious faces and report that they "did something about the problem." Then they'd tax the money you left your family to pay for the cinder block.

There are millions of illegals in the United States because politicians have been derelict in their duty, yet these same people pat themselves on the back for "solving" the problem, like Captain Hazelwood praising himself for rinsing off an otter. All I know is that the busiest doctor in D.C. is the compunction bypass surgeon.

Immigration reform? That sound you hear is Albert Einstein, who said "you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it," laughing like crazy.




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