Satire: Ron Paul not invited to Bohemian Grove Christmas party
The SpoofFriday, December 28, 2007
GOP primary candidate Ron Paul was not invited to yesterday's Bohemian Grove Christmas party because of his "poor attitude" regarding all things global, a member of the Bilderberg Group said today. Most of the other primary candidates from the Democrat and Republican parties attended the Monte Rio, California event.
"Ron Paul may be considered as a possible invitee to the Grove next year, should his poor attitude toward globalism improve," said Sir Archibald Wingate, Bilderberg's High Commissioner for Global Policy.
There was no word from the Ron Paul campaign on whether Paul's feelings were hurt. But things were rockin' at the Grove.
The Bilderbergers hired legendary rock band Led Zeppelin to perform on stage just in front of Molek the pagan god owl. The band was hired to perform as a sort of inside joke, because Vice President Dick Cheney is in fact building a lead zeppelin called the "Death Blimp." Molek appeared stoned as he looked down into the mosh pit where President Bush, Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Condoleezza Rice and other political notables took turns body slamming and throwing each other around. At one point Dick Cheney, looking quite posh in his black-colored helmet, respirator and matching dark cloak, levitated several mosh pitters over twenty feet into the air before setting them down again.
A fun time was had by all until the metal stage that Led Zeppelin was performing on collapsed straight down later in the evening. No one was hurt and Giuliani quickly had the steel beams removed. The party then continued with Hillary Clinton performing her Top 40 hit, "The Hillary Clinton Cackle Song." The entire crowd cheered, cackled and clucked with her.
Later still when things quieted down a bit, Vice President Cheney read the story "My Sacrificial Goat" to everyone, which he first read on a children's television show on Christmas Eve. The event was broadcast throughout the American Empire. When Cheney finished, President Bush then read a story called "My Scapegoat" to the crowd. It is a story about nefarious characters living in undisclosed locations in the Middle East who need to be apprehended because they hate our Empire. The book is available for sale at leading bookstores and is currently priced at $9.11.
Some eyebrows were raised when President Bush and Hillary Clinton disappeared for quite some time. When they returned, both had messy hair and their clothing was wrinkled. Political experts don't feel that this will erupt into a scandal, as the American people have suspected that the Bushes and Clintons have been in bed together for quite some time now.