I Just Happen To Have $130 Million Lying Around And Doing Nothing.....

Sarcasm about what else? useless expenditures of our tax dollars. Over and over and over and over...................

THE MONEYCRATS OF CROCK

Tuesday, May 01, 2007
They were stunned. The gray, boring, unimaginative breed of moneysucking subhumans known as bureaucrats who inhabit the American enclave variously known as Oz or Wonderland or The District of Crock couldn't believe the headline from Politico.com.
Unbelievable headline from Politico.com (February 9, 2007): "Bush Wants Funding Jump for Anti-Drug Ads Rated as Useless."
Paperpushers and Agencycrats from all over Crock gathered in their natural habitat, a gray, boring, unimaginative federal building in the nation's capital, to read the article aloud.
"President Bush has proposed a significant jump in funding for an anti-drug advertising campaign that government-funded research shows is at best useless and at worst has increased drug use among some teens."
"It's brilliant," panted an envious Departmentcrat. "The article says that Bush wants to increase the program's budget to 130 million taxbucks over the next year."
"But ... but ... it was stupid and wasteful and ineffective," murmured a young Interncrat.
"That was the brilliance of it," explained a Subundersecretarycrat with jealous admiration. "This is Crock. A stupid wasteful ineffective program is intrinsic proof that with more money it can become a smart worthwhile successful program. Our budgets will go up every year. It's only taxpayer money. It's unlimited."
But the Interncrat persisted. "The GAO study said that the Office of National Drug Control Policy's anti-drug campaign actually increased the likelihood that all teens would smoke marijuana."
"So?" snorted a savvy old Insider Beltwaycrat. "We switch from targeting marijuana and spend the 130 million taxbucks targeting methamphetamines instead. Sucker citizens will think it's a whole different campaign."
"And both Democrats and Republicans will approve it," one Officeshark smirked, "because they're all the same."
"But how do we pull this off?" worried a Lowlevel Assistantcrat. "We're gray, boring and unimaginative."
"No problem," offered a Political Appointeecrat, "We rub elbows with Madison Avenue."
MadAveHacks huddled in Gotham.
"Okay, team," intoned a Conceptguy, "here's what we've got. Since 1998, the ONDCP has spent over 1.4 billion advertising taxbucks teaching kids to smoke pot. Now they're getting 130 million more taxbucks to teach the little wankers to do meth. So I fugure we get this big blimp and we paint on it Don't Do Meth and we fly it around where the druggies all hang out, like church camps and swap meets and retirement villages. The GovGeeks will shell out millions."
"That ain't nuthin'," bragged another Executivehack. "Look at this headline, from the Guardian no less."
Headline from the Guardian no less (April 16, 2007): "$1bn 'don't have sex' campaign a flop as research shows teenagers ignore lessons."
"So here's what I'm thinking. We know that spending a billion taxbucks on a government boondoggle isn’t the end of it; it’s just the beginning of it. What the Office of Adolescent Abstinence has hired us to do is to shift the emphasis ever so slightly away from total abstinence so they can bump their budget up another billion taxbucks. For our multimillion taxbuck campaign, instead of Don’t Do Sex we’ll paint Don’t Do Sex With Your Teacher on the side of a blimp and fly it over places where horny teenagers hang out, like RV parks and union halls and bingo parlors. We'll make millions."
"But don't Americans know that if we tell their kids not to have sex with teachers they'll just do it anyway?"
"Sure. But once those Demopublican congresscreeps down in Crock figure out this is a really stupid wasteful ineffective program we should get our budget doubled. We'll rake in more millions."
"Hah!" Snorted a PrintAdHack. "You think that's a really stupid wasteful ineffective program? Check out what I found in the Boston Globe."
What he found in the Boston Globe (April 16, 2007): A Governmutt outfit called the Joint Improvised Explosive Devices Defeat Organization has spent three years trying to stop roadside booby traps in Iraq with sophisticated high-priced high tech hardware, but the 'Raqis just keep on booby-trapping. Here's what the Bush boys actually propose: "The outfit has received nearly $6 billion to date, and its budget would double over the next two years."
"No wonder they're a flop," guffawed an Ad-Slinger. "JIEDDO ain't a cool acronym you can actually pronounce."
"Wellll ..." drawled a crafty old DC revolving door Marketer-Spokescrat-Marketer, "we could propose an ad campaign that brags about how successful they are. It'll be worth billions."
"We could drop leaflets from a blimp!" cried an Internflack.
"Oooh ..." said the Mad Ave Spinmeisters.
"Ahhh ..." said the District of Crock Squandercrats.
"Grrr ..." said libertarians everywhere.